Whateva !!!

Looking back, at a long journey of a short life, all I can ask myself is just one question -

"Was that me? OR is this me?" 

From being a child, to a teen and trying hard to grow into a lady, finally, one day you realize you are all grown up. Not just grown up, but grown out of all the fun faces of childhood. Not that the being a grown up is not fun - but hell yeah who wouldn't want to continue the phase with zero responsibilities (real ones, finishing homework on time doesn't count). 

Given an option to be a kid or in college, what would most people pick? 

Given an option to turn back time, how many would opt to not go back in time - handful may be!! Even the ones with an unhappy past, would still want to go back in time and set things right. 

Dwelling in the past is a comfortable sadness, many resort to. Right or wrong does not apply here - as in most emotional contexts. But if you got nothing to look back and feel this comfort, is something abnormal about you?

It is pretty interesting to observe, how what you learned as a kid, what you started to believe in, what you thought about yourself, play a huge role in catapulting you to where you are 25 years down the line, may be even 60!! Childhood is an important and crucial phase of life, which everyone would want to hold on to, but only after you have fled past it. 

There have been so many nights I have dreamed of growing up, riding my own bike, working (I assumed office was more fun than school - LMAO now), buying a lot of dolls and candy without having to ask my parents, making my own friends and visiting them without having any time restrictions, eating ice cream (tonsils made my childhood devoid of any ice cream!!), travelling to far of space and plenty more on my list of things I would do as an adult !! Now all I want is to go back to being a child.

Someone once said - "Growing up is not an option, but being a child is one"

How I wish that were true. May be it is a possibility, but when something called Life happens, one is ripped off any such option and that is when staying a child becomes a luxury. Being pampered and feeling loved is not a commodity everyone has the opportunity to possess. Hard to earn, easy to lose and ephemeral are the words I would quote in this context. 

Being happy is one thing, being carefree is another. Feeling content is a whole different paradigm. These are all qualities ideal to possess, states of mind hard to sustain, but with a little compassion and optimism - totally possible. But staying a child, holding on to your innocence, looking at the world with wonder in your eyes is a fantasy hard to achieve, especially when reality kicks in. 

Being independent and being alone are never the same - you can still be independent but not alone. Being alone and feeling alone are never the same either - you can be alone and still not feel lonely. But being independent, and knowing your life is what you chose is the price you pays for what you asked. The feeling of not having anyone to turn to, or point at when things go south, is not the same as having a shoulder to lean on right when you need it. 

That is when the question comes - is it all worth the trouble? Well I would say, totally !! Imagine being the designer of your own life, being accountable, aware and alert - sound like fun, but may be not on a day to day basis. 

In all, being a child is anything but an option - and not everyone gets to have that luxury!!!