Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Thoughts
Being a child is not an option...but staying one is your choice....it is not necessary to make millions to find joy !!! even the smallest of things.. such as finding an empty seat in a crowded metro.. an empty parking lot.. a clean restroom.. free cookies.. smile from a stranger...soft spoken shop keeper... and wat not ??? it all lies out there.. its just our work to find it !! have u seen a child cribbing for doing something wrong - such as a broken doll?? the magnitude might seem petty to grown ups.. but for that kid - she has lost her best friend !!! Their sorrows last for barely something called a moment... cos thats the age when ur mind is fresh and gets easily influenced by other beauties of earth - such as a colorful butterfly battling its beautiful wings around the garden.... or even a tapeworm wriggling its way into its mud house !! There is no such thing in life that is worth even a momentary depression or desperation.. every minute is precious.. Even a mass destruction - what is the use of crying over it?? rather spend that time in thinking of ways to help those in trouble and ways to prevent such misfortunes from happening.. Children come out with new ideas in a jiffy.. Impossible is never an option to them !! Anyone who has made a mark on earth would still have his child like attitude hovering deep in his personality..
Ok now.. enuff of that.. let me tel you some moments that did bring me joy irrespective of what circumstance i was in or which way my life was taking me........
Till a little earlier.. i did know one kind of love that existed... and now i am elated to learn of its existence and feel grateful to all circumstances that lead me to that very moment :)
In a crowded metro myself and one other person whom I have known for close to 6 years now(man time does fly)... it is very strange that sometimes despite being with people for years.. it takes only a few minutes to understand them.. but those minutes dont come that easily !!! As was the case with us... we have had unforgettable memories in the past.. not to mention the mischiefs and comedy we have done together rite from the day we met in a place now called haven, outside the city of chennai in a remote desert like area !! But this was nothing like b4 !!!
We both just tried to find some space to fit ourselves in the entire crowd near the doors of the metro..and fortunately i found some hold to cling on... as for her.. it was my little pinky that she held to... poised herself in that ever jerking rail... those few minutes.. gave me that unforgettable joy in my mind.. holding on to her the least way possible.. and listening to a song which seemed to play at the rite time... "kalluri malarae" from one good movie "snegithiyae" (translates as "my friend")... those few minutes.. i felt so responsible for her.. loved her with all my heart... and was overjoyed by something that seemed so mutual between us !!! That child i saw in her those few minutes brot out the long gone child in me... Only then i realised.. it is not necessary to be lovers to express any form of love... just a little deed for a close one is also enuff to bring out that love which buries itself deep within oneself and usually refuses to show up at ease !!! Yeah that moment... is something i would like to hold on in my memory forever !!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Five rupees Two Years and Three drops of Tears
Isn't it a wonder how time flows non chalantly carrying our lives in its own path carving a beauty deep within us ?? Everyone claims time is flying at great speed.. is there a way to hold on to one moment for eternity and cherish in that joy forever ?? Pictures of old friends.. videos of next door babies(now turned teens).. memories of places u visited with daddy... thoughts of far living parents.... in addition to these lovely beautiful intimate thoughts, added, yet another thought to me today... the moment i wish i could go back in time and relive.. not because of the joy i got from it.. but the shame that came upon me.. upon the human in me... that very moment...
It was the time when my parents were the happiest of all and took immense pride in showing off their daughter to be a Software Engineer in the IT industry which had turned the lives of millions in India into a haven !! People from all stratas of the society were benefitted and could find an opportunity in the industry which so generously contributed to the revenue system also!! I was also happy - finally i am able to support myself... all my hardwork had finally paid off... I am a great person as i am also a part of the so benevolent industry and also add to nurturing the lives of million others !! I was also proud of myself - y wudn i be..am a better person now as a IT professional in a multinational.. not everyone gets that opportunity as easily as i got !!
Now... it was one of those days that I had to shuttle between my office and the place i board my bus.... a very sunny day outside.. and yeah me in the comforts of my IT firm was really tired and exhausted being out for just haf an hour - one other environment every IT person in chennai gets familiar is with "share-auto".. wow i used to love travelling by it.. have met many interesting characteres en route my bus stop... that particular day also.. i did meet one..
Her name was Radha(keepsake)... in her early 50's.. tall and huge built with streaks of grey and white in her now aging thin black hair... in a dull coloured polyester saree and a high knotted hair.. I couldn help notice the respect IT professionals get from their older generations ..esp people we meet off the streets.. I ahve enjoyed that respect tooo... the same i got from Radha.. somehow i likes her instinctively...thats partly because she so much took after my granmom (the real Radha)..
She gave me this broad smile and instantly our conversation clicked off... for people who arent aware of share auto scenarios... its a small three wheeled vehicle made to carry max 4 or 5 people.. but usually close to 10 are made to sit..have always wondered how the auto would expand a wee bit to let an extra traveller everytime... the same way we were asked to scooch by our respectable auto driver in order to accomodate 2 other passengers... unfortunately we weren able to - courtesy.. as i mentioned before, Radha was huge enuff to occupy most part of the vehicle... this scenario is nothing new in our road life... unfortunately for Radha... our driver was in a very choleric mood and offended Radha and her appearance... and to my surprise she dint seem the belligerent look she had... such a soft-natured woman.... turned towards me for solace.. but to my shame.. i still wonder y i was not able to bring myself to speak for her or at least to her.. to comfort her in a scene of social embarassment which could have happened to anybody.. why was my tongue tied and why did my eyes avoid her imploring look ????
that is one regretful moment i had to face... not Radha.. any fellow human at that state.. i must have or at least tried to comfort them... its not a great mishap to lend my help.. but it was a little courtesy every human is entitled to... i would agree with the auto driver.. he is a man with little or no education.. a family to support.. his daily earnings account to the food his family can afford that nite(which mite be their only meal a day).. a couple of extra passengers would only add a two 5 rupees to his already trivial daily earning.. can life style be accounted for forgetting the little human values ??? forget him... can i - the person who enjoyed the respect unknown strangers paid me, that which i earned by doing nothing but just study the little i can and make some money... can i ignore a fellow human's call for the teeniest courtesy?? i still wonder y i refused to show that petty care to a stranger !!! her misty eyes still remain vivid in my memories... can i undo this ignominious past of mine in anyway ??
Sunday, February 22, 2009
For those who do not waste time in FaceBook - 'One Life, One World - she loves every bit of them'
after much search about how to write a note in fb, here comes mine........
1. I wrote 40 weird, out-of-the-world wishes in my moral science class, while my entire class was thinking hard to write hardly 3!!! ~ whimsical am i!!!
2. Not just my wishes - my moods, taste buds, interests, liking, love, hate, goals........ everything about me change every moment i live.
3. I contradict myself in many ways - and yes have been a great bonehead in trying to explain this to the those I consider must know !!!
4. People take me joking when am serious and serious when am seriously joking!! - but that hurts when my dear ones also do that.
5. Have always felt NO one knows me or would know me.
6. I take life as it comes, but looking back i feel i was the one who made my life as good as it is now!!!
7. I am a self-made person. Learned a lot from my surroundings and owe it all to the wonderful books i read as a young student. Even now, it only takes a little interesting quote to bring me back to my senses.
8. I have always believed and followed 'the secret' (without knowing its existence) until the book came out!!!
9. I am easily hurt. But that'll last not even for a time period we call 'instant'.
10. I love meeting new people and making friends (but can never at places i feel the friendship could look obligatory even tho it is not e.g I got hardly a handful of friends from my work place).
11. People say i talk a lot - I am easily irritated by people who dont, can i afford to live irritated with myself?? But I get entirely shut down by people who talk as good as i do!! Hoping to get over that syndrome since time immemorial!!
12. I wanna live life fully. New things every moment. New places every time. New work often. Never repeat what either I or someone else has done already. I can never accept myself follow someone else's path. Even if i do, there would be something really distinct that would make it my way!!! 'Passion to make a Difference' - probably this is why I was so impressed and found my way into my first job at my then dream firm!!
13. There are no two people I can respect, love, hate, fight with, be angry at, cuddle with and think of on earth as much as I my two little kids - my parents.
13. I always used to imagine (or even believe) in school dayz that my parents are watching my every act in class thro some hidden cam. Probably I wished they did. And again probably thats why NOW I click so many pics - to capture my every moment for them to cherish!!
14. My acts are known not to just someone.. literally even a person whom I have known just for 5 min would know as much about me as years old friends. There can never be something about me not known to at least someone. Ill either tell and do or do and tell !!
15. I would be made the comedian where ever i go - and u know what ?? - i love that!!
16. Two sayings changed my entire thought process -
"It is no use keeping in mind things that can be easily got out of textbooks" (and internet)
- Albert Einstein
"Please please do not read if you cannot remember what you read"
- someone i met somewhere
So consequently there went the only two jobs I was good at.
17. I lost entire interest in my life, studies, job, competitive spirit, love, art, movies, music, studies again, books, friends, places and even food - only when i started searching for the real meaning of life , love, 'who i am' and existence. ( So i stopped it - but the tremendous loss is yet to be recovered and has left an emptiness deep within me )
18. I respect people for who they are rather than for what they are - have friends from every strata of life. Have always believed even the worst human could be befriended with a little of 'me'.
19. I have done more thinking in the past six months than all my past days put together. I have learned so much in and about 'life, living and people' since the day i stepped into this country. Also i noticed that i lost interest in the little things of life - rain in India used to be my friend. Excitement is something i last remember when i first traveled out of my country. But I have never been happier about myself than this one good thing i did to myself!!
20. Irony is always people who adore me are either not in my family or not in my house !! So My family consists more of my friends than blood related ones.
21. I am very bad in understanding people and trust everyone very easily.
I stopped trusting anyone cause no one is worth it - partially because I lost trust in myself.
I trust no one but myself always.
22. I always used to redo my work in school so many times that i hoped sometime in life i would not wish to relive(redo) it!! I love to be the girl I was in school - with the maturity i have now.
23. I am comfortable in excelling at things that I am forced not to do and those without a deadline. I terribly hate even the slightest demanding or ordering tone from anyone and would do the exact opposite even if it is what i most wanted to do ( "don't study" and "bunk school" are the words my mom most used all my school days ) .
24. People say am a perfect scorpion tho i always wished they could tell me what they meant by that!!
25. I love my date of birth 31st October 1985. It seemed very significant (to me at least) and have thanked myself(yes myself) so much for not being born on any other day or month or year. But till few years back I have always met up with something unhappy that happened on on around that date. I also had this dogma that every even year (1994, 1996...) I would have something most embarrassing to shame me for a lifetime and I used to be expectant of it. (thankfully that cycle seemed to have stopped)
26. To me, money is just a paper with more value(even when i have it or don have it). I rather have friends and coupons to a hotel, shop or theater than cash. (barter system still makes sense to me and am sure i would work more if not for just money)
27. I always loved or hated something. Only now in the process of learning to hang somewhere between the two emotions.
28. I love to play the piano, do special art (not just drawing and painting), swim and work out - first three my mom would take blame for not allowing me when i wanted to learn, last one - like hell.. everyone has the same problem - its not just me who doesn't work out!!
29. I have never understood the concept of suicide. God is the only being that you are answerable to. So whats the point in killing oneself?? - u can kill only your bodily life on earth. And you will only get to meet HIM earlier in the process of the soul - might as well stay and see what more HE has in store for you on earth than jumping off into another world even without knowing whats in store for u either there or here!!! Also talking logic and not metaphysics - we are all humans - just another animal on earth with supposedly more intelligence(by that we mean we do things other animals do not or cannot do). Why get scared of consequences that do not count in the huge history of evolution and kill oneself?? Now don't tell me its the survival of the fittest!!! I rather live in some corner of the earth rather than get killed either by myself or by someone else for either money or love(which are the only two reasons any killing is rooted).
30. I used to be patriotic. But now I am not. That doesn't mean i don't love my country(yeah i really don't). I rather love people and believe in humanity. I feel sad for all soldiers both in India and Pakistan, Middle East and the US. Poverty is not confined to India (so i alter my idea of working towards eradicating poverty in India alone to wherever poverty exists).
I can never tolerate negative thoughts or people who emanate negative energy about them !!
I have extended up to 30 points and still feel there is more to say. The last few points are long enough because i wanted to say more with little extra points. Also I believe this is the only notes in which I have at least tried to use punctuation as it should be used and have said more than i have ever said to anyone all my only Life!!!
1. I wrote 40 weird, out-of-the-world wishes in my moral science class, while my entire class was thinking hard to write hardly 3!!! ~ whimsical am i!!!
2. Not just my wishes - my moods, taste buds, interests, liking, love, hate, goals........ everything about me change every moment i live.
3. I contradict myself in many ways - and yes have been a great bonehead in trying to explain this to the those I consider must know !!!
4. People take me joking when am serious and serious when am seriously joking!! - but that hurts when my dear ones also do that.
5. Have always felt NO one knows me or would know me.
6. I take life as it comes, but looking back i feel i was the one who made my life as good as it is now!!!
7. I am a self-made person. Learned a lot from my surroundings and owe it all to the wonderful books i read as a young student. Even now, it only takes a little interesting quote to bring me back to my senses.
8. I have always believed and followed 'the secret' (without knowing its existence) until the book came out!!!
9. I am easily hurt. But that'll last not even for a time period we call 'instant'.
10. I love meeting new people and making friends (but can never at places i feel the friendship could look obligatory even tho it is not e.g I got hardly a handful of friends from my work place).
11. People say i talk a lot - I am easily irritated by people who dont, can i afford to live irritated with myself?? But I get entirely shut down by people who talk as good as i do!! Hoping to get over that syndrome since time immemorial!!
12. I wanna live life fully. New things every moment. New places every time. New work often. Never repeat what either I or someone else has done already. I can never accept myself follow someone else's path. Even if i do, there would be something really distinct that would make it my way!!! 'Passion to make a Difference' - probably this is why I was so impressed and found my way into my first job at my then dream firm!!
13. There are no two people I can respect, love, hate, fight with, be angry at, cuddle with and think of on earth as much as I my two little kids - my parents.
13. I always used to imagine (or even believe) in school dayz that my parents are watching my every act in class thro some hidden cam. Probably I wished they did. And again probably thats why NOW I click so many pics - to capture my every moment for them to cherish!!
14. My acts are known not to just someone.. literally even a person whom I have known just for 5 min would know as much about me as years old friends. There can never be something about me not known to at least someone. Ill either tell and do or do and tell !!
15. I would be made the comedian where ever i go - and u know what ?? - i love that!!
16. Two sayings changed my entire thought process -
"It is no use keeping in mind things that can be easily got out of textbooks" (and internet)
- Albert Einstein
"Please please do not read if you cannot remember what you read"
- someone i met somewhere
So consequently there went the only two jobs I was good at.
17. I lost entire interest in my life, studies, job, competitive spirit, love, art, movies, music, studies again, books, friends, places and even food - only when i started searching for the real meaning of life , love, 'who i am' and existence. ( So i stopped it - but the tremendous loss is yet to be recovered and has left an emptiness deep within me )
18. I respect people for who they are rather than for what they are - have friends from every strata of life. Have always believed even the worst human could be befriended with a little of 'me'.
19. I have done more thinking in the past six months than all my past days put together. I have learned so much in and about 'life, living and people' since the day i stepped into this country. Also i noticed that i lost interest in the little things of life - rain in India used to be my friend. Excitement is something i last remember when i first traveled out of my country. But I have never been happier about myself than this one good thing i did to myself!!
20. Irony is always people who adore me are either not in my family or not in my house !! So My family consists more of my friends than blood related ones.
21. I am very bad in understanding people and trust everyone very easily.
I stopped trusting anyone cause no one is worth it - partially because I lost trust in myself.
I trust no one but myself always.
22. I always used to redo my work in school so many times that i hoped sometime in life i would not wish to relive(redo) it!! I love to be the girl I was in school - with the maturity i have now.
23. I am comfortable in excelling at things that I am forced not to do and those without a deadline. I terribly hate even the slightest demanding or ordering tone from anyone and would do the exact opposite even if it is what i most wanted to do ( "don't study" and "bunk school" are the words my mom most used all my school days ) .
24. People say am a perfect scorpion tho i always wished they could tell me what they meant by that!!
25. I love my date of birth 31st October 1985. It seemed very significant (to me at least) and have thanked myself(yes myself) so much for not being born on any other day or month or year. But till few years back I have always met up with something unhappy that happened on on around that date. I also had this dogma that every even year (1994, 1996...) I would have something most embarrassing to shame me for a lifetime and I used to be expectant of it. (thankfully that cycle seemed to have stopped)
26. To me, money is just a paper with more value(even when i have it or don have it). I rather have friends and coupons to a hotel, shop or theater than cash. (barter system still makes sense to me and am sure i would work more if not for just money)
27. I always loved or hated something. Only now in the process of learning to hang somewhere between the two emotions.
28. I love to play the piano, do special art (not just drawing and painting), swim and work out - first three my mom would take blame for not allowing me when i wanted to learn, last one - like hell.. everyone has the same problem - its not just me who doesn't work out!!
29. I have never understood the concept of suicide. God is the only being that you are answerable to. So whats the point in killing oneself?? - u can kill only your bodily life on earth. And you will only get to meet HIM earlier in the process of the soul - might as well stay and see what more HE has in store for you on earth than jumping off into another world even without knowing whats in store for u either there or here!!! Also talking logic and not metaphysics - we are all humans - just another animal on earth with supposedly more intelligence(by that we mean we do things other animals do not or cannot do). Why get scared of consequences that do not count in the huge history of evolution and kill oneself?? Now don't tell me its the survival of the fittest!!! I rather live in some corner of the earth rather than get killed either by myself or by someone else for either money or love(which are the only two reasons any killing is rooted).
30. I used to be patriotic. But now I am not. That doesn't mean i don't love my country(yeah i really don't). I rather love people and believe in humanity. I feel sad for all soldiers both in India and Pakistan, Middle East and the US. Poverty is not confined to India (so i alter my idea of working towards eradicating poverty in India alone to wherever poverty exists).
I can never tolerate negative thoughts or people who emanate negative energy about them !!
I have extended up to 30 points and still feel there is more to say. The last few points are long enough because i wanted to say more with little extra points. Also I believe this is the only notes in which I have at least tried to use punctuation as it should be used and have said more than i have ever said to anyone all my only Life!!!
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