For those who do not waste time in FaceBook - 'One Life, One World - she loves every bit of them'

after much search about how to write a note in fb, here comes mine........

1. I wrote 40 weird, out-of-the-world wishes in my moral science class, while my entire class was thinking hard to write hardly 3!!! ~ whimsical am i!!!

2. Not just my wishes - my moods, taste buds, interests, liking, love, hate, goals........ everything about me change every moment i live.

3. I contradict myself in many ways - and yes have been a great bonehead in trying to explain this to the those I consider must know !!!

4. People take me joking when am serious and serious when am seriously joking!! - but that hurts when my dear ones also do that.

5. Have always felt NO one knows me or would know me.

6. I take life as it comes, but looking back i feel i was the one who made my life as good as it is now!!!

7. I am a self-made person. Learned a lot from my surroundings and owe it all to the wonderful books i read as a young student. Even now, it only takes a little interesting quote to bring me back to my senses.

8. I have always believed and followed 'the secret' (without knowing its existence) until the book came out!!!

9. I am easily hurt. But that'll last not even for a time period we call 'instant'.

10. I love meeting new people and making friends (but can never at places i feel the friendship could look obligatory even tho it is not e.g I got hardly a handful of friends from my work place).

11. People say i talk a lot - I am easily irritated by people who dont, can i afford to live irritated with myself?? But I get entirely shut down by people who talk as good as i do!! Hoping to get over that syndrome since time immemorial!!

12. I wanna live life fully. New things every moment. New places every time. New work often. Never repeat what either I or someone else has done already. I can never accept myself follow someone else's path. Even if i do, there would be something really distinct that would make it my way!!! 'Passion to make a Difference' - probably this is why I was so impressed and found my way into my first job at my then dream firm!!

13. There are no two people I can respect, love, hate, fight with, be angry at, cuddle with and think of on earth as much as I my two little kids - my parents.

13. I always used to imagine (or even believe) in school dayz that my parents are watching my every act in class thro some hidden cam. Probably I wished they did. And again probably thats why NOW I click so many pics - to capture my every moment for them to cherish!!

14. My acts are known not to just someone.. literally even a person whom I have known just for 5 min would know as much about me as years old friends. There can never be something about me not known to at least someone. Ill either tell and do or do and tell !!

15. I would be made the comedian where ever i go - and u know what ?? - i love that!!

16. Two sayings changed my entire thought process -
"It is no use keeping in mind things that can be easily got out of textbooks" (and internet)
- Albert Einstein
"Please please do not read if you cannot remember what you read"
- someone i met somewhere
So consequently there went the only two jobs I was good at.

17. I lost entire interest in my life, studies, job, competitive spirit, love, art, movies, music, studies again, books, friends, places and even food - only when i started searching for the real meaning of life , love, 'who i am' and existence. ( So i stopped it - but the tremendous loss is yet to be recovered and has left an emptiness deep within me )

18. I respect people for who they are rather than for what they are - have friends from every strata of life. Have always believed even the worst human could be befriended with a little of 'me'.

19. I have done more thinking in the past six months than all my past days put together. I have learned so much in and about 'life, living and people' since the day i stepped into this country. Also i noticed that i lost interest in the little things of life - rain in India used to be my friend. Excitement is something i last remember when i first traveled out of my country. But I have never been happier about myself than this one good thing i did to myself!!

20. Irony is always people who adore me are either not in my family or not in my house !! So My family consists more of my friends than blood related ones.

21. I am very bad in understanding people and trust everyone very easily.
I stopped trusting anyone cause no one is worth it - partially because I lost trust in myself.
I trust no one but myself always.

22. I always used to redo my work in school so many times that i hoped sometime in life i would not wish to relive(redo) it!! I love to be the girl I was in school - with the maturity i have now.

23. I am comfortable in excelling at things that I am forced not to do and those without a deadline. I terribly hate even the slightest demanding or ordering tone from anyone and would do the exact opposite even if it is what i most wanted to do ( "don't study" and "bunk school" are the words my mom most used all my school days ) .

24. People say am a perfect scorpion tho i always wished they could tell me what they meant by that!!

25. I love my date of birth 31st October 1985. It seemed very significant (to me at least) and have thanked myself(yes myself) so much for not being born on any other day or month or year. But till few years back I have always met up with something unhappy that happened on on around that date. I also had this dogma that every even year (1994, 1996...) I would have something most embarrassing to shame me for a lifetime and I used to be expectant of it. (thankfully that cycle seemed to have stopped)

26. To me, money is just a paper with more value(even when i have it or don have it). I rather have friends and coupons to a hotel, shop or theater than cash. (barter system still makes sense to me and am sure i would work more if not for just money)

27. I always loved or hated something. Only now in the process of learning to hang somewhere between the two emotions.

28. I love to play the piano, do special art (not just drawing and painting), swim and work out - first three my mom would take blame for not allowing me when i wanted to learn, last one - like hell.. everyone has the same problem - its not just me who doesn't work out!!

29. I have never understood the concept of suicide. God is the only being that you are answerable to. So whats the point in killing oneself?? - u can kill only your bodily life on earth. And you will only get to meet HIM earlier in the process of the soul - might as well stay and see what more HE has in store for you on earth than jumping off into another world even without knowing whats in store for u either there or here!!! Also talking logic and not metaphysics - we are all humans - just another animal on earth with supposedly more intelligence(by that we mean we do things other animals do not or cannot do). Why get scared of consequences that do not count in the huge history of evolution and kill oneself?? Now don't tell me its the survival of the fittest!!! I rather live in some corner of the earth rather than get killed either by myself or by someone else for either money or love(which are the only two reasons any killing is rooted).

30. I used to be patriotic. But now I am not. That doesn't mean i don't love my country(yeah i really don't). I rather love people and believe in humanity. I feel sad for all soldiers both in India and Pakistan, Middle East and the US. Poverty is not confined to India (so i alter my idea of working towards eradicating poverty in India alone to wherever poverty exists).
I can never tolerate negative thoughts or people who emanate negative energy about them !!
I have extended up to 30 points and still feel there is more to say. The last few points are long enough because i wanted to say more with little extra points. Also I believe this is the only notes in which I have at least tried to use punctuation as it should be used and have said more than i have ever said to anyone all my only Life!!!

'A WedNeSDay'

hey did u watch 'A Wednesday'?? its such a nice movie... thats the comment my friends gave me.. hmm interesting name... and finally i did watch ... probly if i had watched this movie as soon as my friends suggested it, it might not have had that much of an impact as NoW!! Yes... i watched it less than a week after the terrifying Mumbai attacks. 

It was just another day at home.. busy preparing for my exams and working on the never ending assignments.. and suddenly i get a call from my friend (from NY) - "hey there has been a blast in many places in mumbai... also terrorists have opened fire on innocent commoners" - there came in a voice of mixed feelings - fear, anxiety, sympathy and a little humanity. To me.. just like millions of other Indians inside and outside the country - "oh my gawd!!! - not again!!! " All i could imagine was a market, a common building, a theater - fallen into ashes.. ambulance... people cryin for loved ones... debris and high-on-alert(but helpless) police with walkie-talkies.. 'why always the common man???  why always the markets where helpless middle-class mothers go for buying groceries for their beloved kids? why the theaters where a group of kids , ruffly my age, get together to have some fun? .. why a park where old people and children play their evenings out??? why?? why?? ' .. but there came the surprise.. it was not just the common people... it was the higher strata of commoners that were focussed on this time.. then came the question - "WHY??????????????????" 

Its been almost a week... lives lost and lives rescued... am not here to blame the government for how inefficiently the situation was handled (on a personal note, our police, NSG, ATS and every Mumbaiker did an excellent job given the arms, facilities and freedom they are given in their work), or to find a reason wat the terrorists around the world are upto - am pretty sure they are also trying to find the asnwer to the same question.. i dont believe any man who has taken the path of antagonism has come forward to explain his stand to the common man- thats because they know they cannot!! All they do is either brainwash the weaker souls or instill nothing but bloodshed and rivalry since birth.. of late i have come to think that these so called humans who live such a cursed life are also grown like hybrid chkn in a poultry.. just that thier farms take human blood as its manure.

Now,i feel tagging them a terrorist, a radical, an assassin is inapropriate for a commoner like me.. i prefer referring them to as  'UnFOrtunates'.  Its not that fortune has landed them in such a life.. but they are people who have made our days less fortunate.

Earlier i believed these UnFOrtunates brought about their rage on the commoners as they were deprived of their rights, had less money, were illiterate, loners, had some sorrowful life, society was unfair with them or at least fled from an unloving family life. However i gather that such mass destruction, precisely planned attacks, such a well-trained army of men, expensive ammunition, hi-fi equiptment, influence to bring support to all these activities is not possible by the earlier assumed UnFOrtunates.

And i still do not comprehend WHY??????? FYI i DO NOT want to also. 

As a child, watching movies of national interest like 'Roja',  'Indian', 'RDB' i would feel a gush of fresh blood run all through my body, patriotism at its peak and would duel anyone who spoke ill of my motherland(yeah just like everyone else). But all these feelings would fade away once out of the theater(again like everybody else). It was only later i realised patriotism is also only a feel- just like happiness, love, pathos - all that we watch in movies and can hold on to our minds till those train of thoughts persist. In this age, anyone who talks of patriotism as his passion - is just like a teen madly in his new love... with age- it would also change into something of less regard.(except if u are a politician) :P 

These days more than patriotism ..fear seems to take a parade.. just this morning a very sweet driver of my bus started singing songs for his passengers - but guess wat was running behind everyones mind?? - is he a psychopath .. is he gonna shoot us? is he gonna captivate our bus? are we gonna explode?? -all this just for  'if ur happy and u know clap ur hands' song. Even innocent strangers are suspected to be the most expected UnFOrtunates. Why even now i am scared to publish this blog - wat if some UnFOrtunate reads this gets angry and shoots my head off??? No.. its not funny.. not funny anymore!!!! 

'Humanity' - i believe should be the catchword of this age. Its not because it is everywhere.. it is because it is not be be found anywhere (except in moral science classes ). Have we ever given a thought about the third person??  Angry? - show it on others.. Sad? - take a toll of others lives.. depressed? - buy a gun.. boozed? - hit and run ... bored? - go join an outcast gang and plant bombs all over the world... If u wanna clean the world... get into the dirt and work hard to get rid of it(the dirt.. not lives). HumaNiTy is also a Feel... NoT just a Feel if u start to Believe. If a small set of UnFOtunates could start a cult of battue, its not gonna take long for the entire 'yet so fortunate' people to start Believing. Believe in URself, believe in LiFe, believe in HappineSS, believe in ur fellowBeings, believe in Peace and a better WoRld lies ahead ( of course...after every attack they lose quite a number of UnFOtunate members - who knows.. in the EnD they might be left with none at all ).

Hmm anyways its just a blog. Am also one of the commoners who has all these qualms, worries and fears... am also the same helpless commoner.. but am happy at least i blogged my frustrations .. this is not intended to awaken the human in anyone.. its just that the voices within me could not be quitened.. at least let my blog shout the mournings of the voices deep down and as a person who believes a lot in humanity, love, care and most of all - faith in fellow human beings... i just call to my friends... please change ur attitude... this is my first call to u all..... !!! 

ThE ReTuRN to InnOcEnCE

Yes of course.... after the most kiddish blog - hello i was an amateur.. not that i am not now.. but still it was a good start.... but i think its been almost 3 months since i made that entry... and looking back or rather looking at who i am now..what i have turned into .. surely time and life are the greatest tutors ever existent.... was i so very innocent when i landed here??? was i so so ignorant in my life back home?? oh my gosh - wat would have come upon me if i just held on to that life ~ disaster.... my entire living would have become totally pointless and infact useless. 

Wow !! I have never before loved myself and thanked myself for the decisions i have made ( cause i know how well i suck at it!!) but for this one good good far more than good decision of taking up a master's. Be it for studyin or not - i love myself for the most daring decision. 

And guess wat - i am getting to learn so much day in and day out that i would have missed out on all of these if not for UF!! 

Ok let me make this clear .. why do people always get the negative connotation when i say "i learned a lot - and not just academically" .. blv me i had a couple of "omg wat went wrong!!!" comments when i had this as my status message.. come on guys.. has the world turned so pessimistic about even little things??? 

Guess what - the first thing i realised when i got here??? - i am a born cook!!! man i rock .. any of my friends reading this blog is welcome home for the most delicious meal!!! :) But the irony is i opted for a master's fearing wedlock - and the main reason i feared was i din wanna cook for some stupid fella all my life!!!!!! crazy aint it??? 

Hmmm.... but somehow i feel that innocence which i possessed back home - was more than fun.. i had people to care for and people who cared for me (  at least thats wat i bvd was true since i was pathetically ignorant ).. it was a very shallow living... never cared to think deep into anything around me. It is said that to understand the depth of any situtation all u gotta do is step out of it - easy na?? but thats most difficult - now i am far from my home.. and learnt it a very hard way to see things from the outer... just walk out of one's own life and look at it .. trust me - mine sucked big time... gosh how could i have been so blind.. there are so many things i could have done had i not wasted time in unnecessary things.... since my childhood .. now that i wanna relive my life.. my entire life... go back to 1985 and set all things that arent right... get the best out of the one life god has bestowed upon me.. who knows... I mite never happen on this earth again.. and already 23 yrs have gone by...

I wanna do something which my heart wants to do the most.. and start a career in such an obssessive field... but the bad thing is i love cooking and art.. and i realised that only too late... am already pursuing a career far beyond my ability... should have given it a thot back home.. !!! But no harm... the best time was 5 years back... but the second best time is now!!!! I can always have two professions :) 

Hey the best thing about this country am in is the freedom .. freedom of thought .. which i strongly blv lacked majorly in my undergrad.... what if such a freedom was available since we were kids??? wow wouldn my country be having the best einsteins and gates' ???? A country with people who can tink induvidually.. who can create and innovate and not buy foreign stuff... who dont look upon another nation as tho they are gods... not jsut keep bragging about a glorious history and start working in the present??? wow!!! thats wat India is to me... it must be a nation of people with great intelligence and initiative.  Blind patriotism in the name of road protests and cheap politics and indifferent citizens - root cause - education. By education we mean learning.. but real education is in the doing... dont we learn more out of practice than from exams?? We have the cream of people in our country... as kids..as teens... and their entire thots are wasted on mugging textbooks and writing exams based on a 100 page textbook. Any question with a conjunction changed is also considered out of syllabus - guys wat on earth is syllabus when it comes to learning??? its a never ending limitless process.. i dont ask people to know everything.. but give them the freedom to do some out of the box thinking.. let exams test ur ability to think and understand.... and not ur ability to memorize... students must be able to bring about a clarity of thot!!!!!! not confused concepts from local author texts!!!! - trust me this kinda education is worse than illiteracy.. it makes us slaves to people who can think new ideas!!! Why else you think our entire nation has just a handful of business tycoons, millions of employees and not the other way round???? 

Am not the usual NRI who brags all good things about where i am and detests my own nation.. I love my motherland and want only the best to happen to her.. am also one of the few who wants to bring about a change and not just sit behind and blame others!!!! Am just blogging now.. who knows this mite even be the first step to the change i count on bringing about. 

I can go on... cause all i learnt.. about education, books, music, countries, people, My people (and thats wat i value the most cos this is directly related to my everyday life) ,.. is all invaluable... and cannot be put in just one blog.... and am sure its time to start studyin - after all am here to do that aint i?? so cya guys!! meet ya in my next blog!!