Whateva !!!

Looking back, at a long journey of a short life, all I can ask myself is just one question -

"Was that me? OR is this me?" 

From being a child, to a teen and trying hard to grow into a lady, finally, one day you realize you are all grown up. Not just grown up, but grown out of all the fun faces of childhood. Not that the being a grown up is not fun - but hell yeah who wouldn't want to continue the phase with zero responsibilities (real ones, finishing homework on time doesn't count). 

Given an option to be a kid or in college, what would most people pick? 

Given an option to turn back time, how many would opt to not go back in time - handful may be!! Even the ones with an unhappy past, would still want to go back in time and set things right. 

Dwelling in the past is a comfortable sadness, many resort to. Right or wrong does not apply here - as in most emotional contexts. But if you got nothing to look back and feel this comfort, is something abnormal about you?

It is pretty interesting to observe, how what you learned as a kid, what you started to believe in, what you thought about yourself, play a huge role in catapulting you to where you are 25 years down the line, may be even 60!! Childhood is an important and crucial phase of life, which everyone would want to hold on to, but only after you have fled past it. 

There have been so many nights I have dreamed of growing up, riding my own bike, working (I assumed office was more fun than school - LMAO now), buying a lot of dolls and candy without having to ask my parents, making my own friends and visiting them without having any time restrictions, eating ice cream (tonsils made my childhood devoid of any ice cream!!), travelling to far of space and plenty more on my list of things I would do as an adult !! Now all I want is to go back to being a child.

Someone once said - "Growing up is not an option, but being a child is one"

How I wish that were true. May be it is a possibility, but when something called Life happens, one is ripped off any such option and that is when staying a child becomes a luxury. Being pampered and feeling loved is not a commodity everyone has the opportunity to possess. Hard to earn, easy to lose and ephemeral are the words I would quote in this context. 

Being happy is one thing, being carefree is another. Feeling content is a whole different paradigm. These are all qualities ideal to possess, states of mind hard to sustain, but with a little compassion and optimism - totally possible. But staying a child, holding on to your innocence, looking at the world with wonder in your eyes is a fantasy hard to achieve, especially when reality kicks in. 

Being independent and being alone are never the same - you can still be independent but not alone. Being alone and feeling alone are never the same either - you can be alone and still not feel lonely. But being independent, and knowing your life is what you chose is the price you pays for what you asked. The feeling of not having anyone to turn to, or point at when things go south, is not the same as having a shoulder to lean on right when you need it. 

That is when the question comes - is it all worth the trouble? Well I would say, totally !! Imagine being the designer of your own life, being accountable, aware and alert - sound like fun, but may be not on a day to day basis. 

In all, being a child is anything but an option - and not everyone gets to have that luxury!!! 

The Shack

"This is such an effing hole, we gotta get outta here", yelled the first of the four doped gangsters as he stormed out the main lobby. "This is not what I was promised, not in a whole life would I come back to this dumpster" screamed gangster #2 right behind. They looked pissed, beyond pissed - one needs to take a look at a bunch of drug ridden faces to fathom the extent of hatred expressed here. 

Ryan and Rona followed after the four doped customers, trying to get them back to the already half empty shack. Getting someone to stay in a place miles from the main city, especially when the place is close to half a millenium old is not an easy task in these tough economic times. The earthquake had ruined almost the entire property, and all of what was left was what remained in the once popular getaway, "The Camlin's Cabin".

Ryan and Rona, 21,  were the only living heirs to the now infamous property, left behind by their ancestors. Despite being a massive one, The Camlin's was not favored by the town people owing to the series of mishaps that have been rumored about the shack since the mysterious death of the twins's parents, a few summers ago. 

The mother and father were found hanging from a giant 90ft sycamore tree in the jungle surrounding The Camlins the night after they had reportedly gone to fetch firewood. The reason for the mystery was that they were found hanging from a height unimaginable for the Camlin's to have ascended at their age, much worse with the thick creepers that were used to accomplish the task. The creepiest of this killing was the autopsy suggesting their death had occured due to a cardiac arrest and not out of suffocation, hours prior to their departure from the cabin the previous night. 

Ryan, a tall, handsome, charming boy, now soon growing into a man just like his father. Rona, pale white skin, thin tall delicate structure, took after her mother, and also played mother to Ryan more often than not. The twins cared for each other like no other soul and held close to each other. They were young, hardworking siblings, and best friends of each other too - well of course they spent their entire lives together even before birth. The only other human interested in their well being is Leo, Ryan's best friend and Rona's boyfriend. The three had known each other since school, and Leo always stood by the little Camlin's even during their hardest times. 

Ryan and his sister, continued to run the cabin, despite all odds, in hope of reviving their ancestral fame and leading a normal life, much to the contrary of their current situation where the town people shudder at the name of the Camlin's. Since the death of their parents, the twins had been ostracized by the town people. The only customers are innocent travellers looking for a cheap stay or old people who no longer care about what the world thinks. 

The four hammered French travellers, signed up for the night at The Camlin's. They were unaware of the shack's history. When they ran out of crack, it annoyed them to learn the shack had no one to satisfy their need. This made them outrageous and felt immense power over the helpless twins who ran after them, pleading them to return to the shack, and being the late hours it was already.

Before they knew it, they were into the jungle, on a path that lead to the high way, a mile down the road. The light from the shack started to fade and the only way to stay on the path was the pricks from the shrubs all along the sides. Ryan and Rona stopped after pursuing the French guys for a short while, and decided to return when they heard a loud noise in the direction the gangsters had walked. They ran along the path to check out what had happened, when at a distance Ryan saw something shiny pointed in their direction by one of the gangsters. Rona saw her beloved brother shot straight in his heart followed by a few more shots, just to ensure he does not come back alive. Before she even had time to comprehend what had just happened, Rona felt a sharp pain right below her navel, and another and then another at her right shoulder. She fell down screaming in pain. She could see in a distance, the four killers, walk away, now in peace!! 

Blood all over their pale skin, hands clenched with each other, the twins looked into each others eye for the last time in their lives. They bled to death in the middle of a dark night, in the same jungle that took their parents away. White dress, now covered in a shiny sheet of red. Their pale skin, now white. Young and beautiful, calm is the look on their dead faces. 

This cannot be the end, this is not how I wanted to go away, not without letting them see who I really am, what I am capable of. They need to know we are not outcasts. I need to teach them a lesson. 

Slowly, the blood sucked back into the bullet holes. The white of the clothes returned, now more shiny. The skin sewed back together, with a thickness that could be felt and seen. They were no longer the victims. Arose the devil from their death, evil that the town has never seen before - now is when all the rumors came true!! 

To be continued..... 

It's Love vs Indian Parent's Version of Being Married 

- Frustrations of an Indian girl who still has some last traces of self-respect hanging around !!

He makes a hundred grand !! He has a Greencard !! His family thinks he is amazing !! He says he'll marry you even without seeing you !! So what if he is boring - you ll get used to it !!! 

Seriously, what has suddenly come upon the society ? The one's who are yet to marry talk about it just like the parents do,and the ones who got past the custom, tell you to "compromise" and live happily  - what an oxyMORON !!! 

Does one have to necessarily add to the business of matrimony in order to prove their life has value at all ?

No matter who you are, what your accomplishments are, where you are, what you are capable of, who your friends are, your character, your personality - you get a value only based on the man you join hands with. And the prerequisite to this non-existent super inflated image of the ideal man is as nauseating as the idea of living with him. 

All this haste and pressure (peer and parent) just makes the beautiful idea of meeting someone, falling in love, and wanting to get married as repulsive as diarrhea.

Age limit - gosh i have no idea where this came into the society!! So if I am single and 40, does that make me an outcast, a defective product or a creature incapable of living a happy life? I am a human being, not a driving test to set predetermined rules on my personal liking and thought process. 

First comes getting married, next comes having a baby - I know as animals we are made to procreate, but as a society there are things other than adding to the enormous world population. 

Again, am not against marriage or family - it is one beautiful concept, getting to spend your life with an amazing partner, bringing up a family and having more purpose added to life. But I am not doing it just because I need to prove the society of my fertile reproductive system !!! 

Now, the concept of arranged marriage - a guy sees a girl, the guy's family see the girl, the girl's family see the guy, the girl's family also see the girl from the guy's family's perspective - and no matter if the girl dislikes the guy or the the guy dislikes the girl or the guy's family dislikes the girl, the girl becomes an object of scrutiny. And they all start thinking there is something really wrong with her to not be living with this prince, who for all you know has one less brain in his head !! 

I know the society talks of being advanced, westernized, cultured, but the bride's  family needs to make an investment in gold, diamonds and may be even a palace - cause obviously that is our culture, to pay through your nose for a guy and his expensive penis. 

"You don't have to love him now, get married and eventually you'll get so used to each other that you'll think you are in love" - what a nonsensical reason to hastily get into a contract that has no exchange policy!!

I strongly doubt any of these so called "well-wishers" are going to stick around when reality hits.

This complicated idea of taking a no turning back, expensive, completely illogical and highly repugnant long term agreement, with a person you barely know, just to get out of the society's gossip book is something one cannot dream of of going through - but what do I know, Indian parents have a hold in your right brain, where all logic is nullified.